screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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