My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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