I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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