this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
