I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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