I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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