shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
