Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
