so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
