Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
