If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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