why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
