He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
