Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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