Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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