just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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