i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
