i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
