Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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