If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My life is pants optional.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
