bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
