i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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