He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
