Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
