I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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