Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
