Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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