you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
