So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
