I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
