Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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