I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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