the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
