I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
