my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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