oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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