dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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