there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize