Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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