I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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