it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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