I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
