Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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