if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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