Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
