I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
