I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
