she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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