I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In America we eat man semen.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
