is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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