eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
