and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
