By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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