We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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