if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
