got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
