I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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