look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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