My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Randomize
