I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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