There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
