He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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