Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
