capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
