ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
