Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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