When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
