If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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