why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
