my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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