Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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