Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
