I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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