You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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