1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
