Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
