I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
