My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
