Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Vodka?
Forever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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