I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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