I feel like I'm in dance class right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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