Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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