My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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