Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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